Save The Last Dance
by Kayy716
Summary: Steve Randle was drafted in the fall of 1966. He was captured by Vietcong five months after he was deployed into the heart of the war. Back home in Tulsa, emotions ran deep as word hit them that their friend, their brother, their constant, may never come home alive. (Full Summary Inside!)
1. Prologue

**Save The Last Dance**

 _Extended Summary: Steve Randle was drafted in the fall of 1966. He was captured by Vietcong five months after he was deployed into the heart of the war. Back home in Tulsa, emotions ran deep as word hit them that their friend, their brother, their constant, may never come home alive. Three years later, Sodapop decided to enlist, tired of his fate being in the hands of Uncle Sam. As his tour was about to come to an end a year later, Steve I found, very much alive. As luck would have it, there were many challenges to be overcame. Were they strong enough to help Steve and Soda adjust back to civilian life? Was Steve strong enough to face the horrors of what had happened over seas? Did Roxanne give up on ever telling Steve how she felt, or did her feelings run deeper than the ever for the young man who stayed strong for her all those years ago while she was serving time?_

* * *

I was reflecting on everything that had happened over the last five years, while I was trying to pull together a dinner for the guys when a knock came from the front door. I hesitated. Darry and Ponyboy were both at work still, a glance at the clock verified that. Darry wouldn't be home until 6 at the soonest and Pony was working late at the bowling alley and wouldn't be home until well after dinner. Two-Bit never knocked and no one else ever came around. No one ever knocked and with Pony being 18, social services never came around.

The only people who would have knocked were the fuzz or the military men that go door to door to tell families that their brothers, sons, fathers, whatever, weren't coming home.

So I hesitated. The knocking came again. And again. And again until I finally took a deep breath and went to the front door. I couldn't see a car through the curtains, so I was even more jumpy. Everyone knew the house was normally empty during the day. I had gotten off work early because Soda was due to come home in a couple days and I wanted to get the house ready for him. No one knew I would be home.

"C'mon Roxy, I know you're in there, Darry told me to look for Steve's car!" a voice chimed. I blinked. There was no way in hell I was hearing who I thought I was.

I pulled the door open and practically screamed when I saw my baby sister, no longer a baby, standing there, a huge smile on her face. She was 8 years old, but looked so much older. Her brilliant green eyes, her long, strawberry blonde curls, curls she inherited from our mother, her thin, yet strong build. She looked so much older than merely 8.

"Glory Roxanne, what'd ya do, stop eatin' all this time?" her accent was an awkward cross between a southern drawl and the fast talkin' of the Northeast.

"What're you doing here?" I asked, still not sure she was really standing there. I felt almost like I did when I saw Mr. Randle sitting there on visitor's day. "I thought you got adopted by some folks up in New York?"

"You idiot," Rosemary chuckled. "Daddy never woulda signed away his rights to me, no how!" She broke up laughing at that. "I was in foster care up till a week ago. Do you remember Jenny and Riley?"

"Our cousins from Texas or Kansas or somethin' like that?" I asked, trying my hardest to remember. Riley and Jenny were about 5 years older than me. They were good kids, woulda been Socs if they lived in a city big enough.

"Kansas," she nodded, her curls bouncing. "Well daddy went to live with 'em after ma died and they made him sober up. He's doin' real good now. Holdin' a job, happy, real good. So I finally got to go back to live with 'im. Told him I needed to see you 'fore I did though. So I called Darry and him and daddy set up the visit. I only get to stay for tonight, then Jenny is gonna swing by and pick me up. Guess she had business she had to take care of here or something. She didn't mind bringing me one bit!"

"Well, this sure is a mighty fine gift," I said, tears in my eyes. I pulled her in for a tight hug.

"I'm not your gift, silly," she said brightly. "Darry told me everything. Well, Two-Bit and Pony did on the ride over anyway." I cut her off at that.

"But they're all at work," I said knowingly.

"Nuh-uh. They wanted it to be a surprise. Everyone's in the backyard already," she grinned up at me with a smile that made me think about Sodapop.

I followed her through the house to the backyard. She pushed the door open and I was nearly knocked to the ground by a blur of fur and slobber.

"Chaos, down boy," Pony's voice came. I felt the fur lift off my chest. I sat up, shocked to see a huge, jet black puppy looking at me, dark chocolate eyes dancing with life and happiness.

"Darry said you haven't been the same since everything happened and daddy found a real nice guy with pups for sale, said he wanted to make everything up to ya somehow," Rose explained. "So I asked Darry if he minded another mouth to feed around here."

"You got me a dog?" I asked skeptically. The last time I had a dog, our father had taken it out to the woods and killed it for eating his favorite pair of shoes.

"I thought you liked dogs?" Rose said with a pout. She looked absolutely adorable.

"I do," I reassured her. I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Then I saw it. I saw the scrap of cloth and was tied around the dogs neck.

"Where did you get that?" I demanded. I grabbed the dog and pulled it into my lap, tracing the patterns in the cloth. Red flannel.

"Darry said it would make a good bandana," she replied. She looked confused. I looked up at Darry, unable to explain the emotions going through my mind.

"Thank you," I whispered, holding the dog tightly in my lap. He wiggled against my grip before he relaxed. I gave Darry a look. He knew I was onto him. He knew I knew he knew something. But that wasn't the time to get into things. Instead, we spent the rest of the night talking, looking at pictures and enjoying the simple things in life. I told her stories about what our parents were like when we were little, how Josiah loved horses more than anything in the world, how losing her was the hardest moment of my life. I told her how much I loved her. I think I told her that more that night than I ever did in our entire lives together. Glory, words couldn't describe how wonderful it felt to have my baby sister back in my arms. I held her close late into the night, whispering sweet nothings in her ear until she fell asleep. Then I sang to her. I sang her all of our ma's favorite songs. Tears welled in my eyes as I settled her in for the night. I wish I could have held onto that night for the rest of my life. Freeze it and never have to leave that happy, bittersweet moment. That night, I slept on the floor with Rose in my arms, Chaos at our feet.

Morning came all too soon and before I knew it, Jenny was waiting in her car, flirting with Darry while I said my goodbyes to my baby sister. I cried as hard as she did when we hugged as tight as we dared. Saying goodbye to her again felt just a awful as it did all those years ago. But it was for the best. She had a bright future ahead of her and I wasn't about to get in the way of that. She could be anything she set her mind to and I would give my life to ensure that.

"You can come with me," she said, almost begging me to pack up and move with her. "Daddy isn't mean no more."

"I have a life here, Rosemary," I said as lightly as I could. "This is where I'm needed."

"I dig that," she nodded. "But Jenny said if you ever find yourself needin' somewhere to go, our door's always open, savvy?"

"Yeah," I nodded, giving her a tight hug. "I love you Rosie Posie, pudding pie. If you ever need me, you call, okay?"

"I will Roxy. Stay strong, it's gon' be okay," she said with a smile. "I love you sissy."

"I love you more," I waved as she climbed into Jenny's Impala. With a honk and a wave, they sped down the old road. I watched until their car turned and I could no longer see it. I felt like I was letting a huge part of my heart drive away right then, but I was reminded of how much I was needed here when I felt the puppy lick my hand. I looked down, tracing the piece of fabric still tied to his neck.

I wanted to corner Darry and demand he tell me what he knew, but I didn't have the heart to ruin my own mood just yet. Instead, I walked the dog into the backyard and sat down in the grass, letting the dog cuddle up in my lap. I sat there for hours, soaking in the silence. No one dared to approach me. I think deep down, they all knew I needed the time to gather my thoughts. The thinking and silence gave me both comfort and fear. I was afraid of what the next few months had to offer. I was scared senseless of what Soda would be like when he came home, even more so with Steve. I kept wondering if maybe his feelings had dwindled. I kept wondering if maybe it was silly to hold onto a conversation that lasted for only a moment, yet that moment changed my life in so many ways.

"That's Steve's shirt," I said softly to the dog as if he could understand. "I went looking for it years ago, wanted it as a reminder, ya know?" The dog let out a soft whine. "Steve said he thought he was in love with me," I told the dog as if he could understand a word I was saying. Boy did I feel silly just then. "Darry knows somethin'…he wouldn't have used it if he didn't."

"You're right," Darry said. I saw him crossing the yard, a letter in his hands. "Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

"Shoot, give me the good news," I said cautiously. My heart felt like it was racing a mile a minute. I felt sweat start to pour down my back.

"Soda's train comes in at 6 tomorrow morning. We have to be at the station by 5 if we want to see him in," he said carefully. "Soda said he's ready to come home and be with the family. Said he's happy it's over."

"And the bad news?" My voice cracked. This couldn't be good.

"I wasn't done with the good news," he said with a smirk. Darry rarely smiled, even more so since Soda enlisted. "Soda went and got his leg broke so that was why he was gone longer than expected," he explained. "He's fine, but he won't be winning any races no time soon."

"The bad news?" I said again. I knew he was trying to distract me. It wasn't working. I knew Soda was fine. Unlike Darry, I was home when he called the morning before. I already knew about the broken leg.

"Steve…" I felt my heart skip a beat. "Steve's not so good," he finally said. "Soda said he's not in a good place at all…he's coming home tomorrow, but they want him to go straight to the hospital from the station," he went on. "Soda said he isn't sure if we'll be able to see 'im before he leaves."

"How bad," I managed to ask. My voice broke again. I felt sick. All these years worrying, just to be told we still can't see him. I was good and tired of constantly getting bad news as soon as I got good news. The happiness from seeing my sister was gone as quick as it came. Chaos nudged me but I found myself suddenly hating the mutt that sat in my lap.

"Soda didn't say. All I know is it's not looking too good," Darry came and sat next to me. I knew this was hard for him too. He always seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"A wise man once told me, that no matter what happened in this life, the most stubborn, most ornery pony could be broken, s'long as the rider did his part. That no matter how dark the days may seem, the sun will shine again," I said carefully. I smiled sadly up at Darry. He remembered the conversation too. His father, a wise man of few words, sat us older kids down when his father, Darry's grandfather, passed away. He was trying to get us to understand that while it was a sad time, we could get through it, however, for me, I took more away from the conversation than the boys did. I had asked him later what he meant and while he told me he was just trying to remind us to stay strong and stay happy, he also wanted us to remember that we all had jobs to do. We all had our role in making the world a better place for those around us.

"Maybe he's right," Darry said, looking up at the sky. The clouds were tinted pink and purple from the sunset. We lapsed into a comfortable silence after that. Sometimes it scared me how close I had grown to Darry and Ponyboy after Soda left. Maybe I did it because I grew up with them and they were the brothers I had known and loved my entire life. Maybe I did it so I didn't wind up alone, chasing an early grave. Or maybe I did it because deep down, I knew we'd be leaning on one another, no matter where life took us.

Either way, none of us slept much that night. Pony was too excited to get his favorite person back. God, he missed his brother more than anything in the world. Darry? Well Darry didn't sleep 'cause he was too busy worrying. About me, about Soda, about Pony, about Steve. Darry, well Darry spent the night pacing, muttering to himself, worrying himself sick. And me? I didn't dare sleep. I didn't dare face the nightmares that plagued me every time I closed my eyes. No one really knew how bad they were. I tried to push off sleep as long as I could because of them. Those last four years, I went days on end without sleeping, just to avoid the nightmares. That night was no different. I didn't dare close my eyes. I didn't want to face the nightmares. I couldn't. Looking back, I think the nightmares were the least of my worries.

* * *

 _A/N - As promised, here is the introduction to book two! If you didn't read "Ties That Bind Us" it wouldn't hurt to do so, but honestly, I'm making this so it isn't too hard to pick up without reading the first story! Reviews are always appreciated and feedback keeps me going!_


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

We were all exhausted when we piled into the truck at 3:43 the next morning. I was ready to tell Darry there was no way in hell he would be driving, but as soon as the warm morning breeze hit my face, I knew I was in no shape to drive either. And we didn't need Pony getting us killed. Unlike Darry and I, he was full of energy, despite not sleeping much the night before. He was excited his favorite brother was coming home. He was in rare form that morning, bouncing off the walls like Soda used to.

"Glory, can I have his energy?" I moaned. I sat on the front steps trying to down a cup of coffee before we had to pile in the truck and make the drive to the train station. Chaos sat at my side, his tail thumping on the old wooden steps.

"You and me both," Darry chuckled. He was feeding the puppy scraps of leftover chicken from the night before. "You look like you haven't slept in a year."

"Reckon I look about as rough as you do," I chided. I yawned, exhaustion creeping in. "Let's go, before I fall asleep right here," I said lightly.

"What're we gonna do about Chaos?" Pony asked. He was holding a slice of chocolate cake in one hand, a weed in the other.

"Lock 'im in the cellar," I shrugged. "Or your room?"

"Cellar," Darry said with a stern tone. While Darry was probably thrilled to have a dog in the house, I knew good and well he didn't want it tearing the house apart. The guys did that enough for everyone.

"Be good," I told the puppy who wiggled out of Pony's arms to lick my face. "Get on now."

Pony returned a few moment later, a huge smile playing on his face. "Well c'mon!" he said, his voice far too loud for the early hour. "Let's go!"

I shared a look at Darry before getting to my feet. I set the cup on the end table by the door before locking up. We rarely locked the doors, but with times changing and no one around, it felt safer that way. I was about to head towards the truck when something felt amiss.

"Hold up," I called, listening. While it was quiet for the most part, the sound of rustling made me stop short. I didn't have time to react when something came at my knees. I yelped and fell back and would have toppled down the stairs if Darry hadn't been paying attention. He kept me upright as that damn puppy tried to lick at my hands.

"Damnit Chaos!" I muttered, grabbing at his makeshift collar. "Ponyboy!"

"I swear, I locked him in the cellar!" he said, laughing so hard he was tearing up.

"Leaving the window open don't help none," I scoffed. I led the dog around back, lowering him in through the cracked cellar window. As soon as his paws hit the floor, I slammed the window shut. Unless that dog knew how to open windows, he wasn't getting out again.

"Lighten up!" Pony called from the passenger side. I smiled and jumped into the bed of the truck.

"There's room up front," Darry said, coming around to his side.

"I'm content right here," I yawned. Maybe I was tired enough to sleep without dreaming for a change. It would take us about an hour to reach the station. May as well get a short nap in.

I wasn't even aware that I had fallen asleep until I felt rough hands shaking me awake. I groaned and tried to sit up, my back stiff from leaning against the spare tire.

"You scream really loud," Pony said, a troubled expression on his face. "Nightmares again?"

"Always," I sighed, shaking the sleep induced fog from my brain. I jumped out of the bed of the truck overly aware that we were finally at the train station. I lit up a weed and followed Pony and Darry to the boarding area. We took in our surroundings in silence. There had to be half of Oklahoma there waiting to welcome their men home.

"Time?" I asked Darry. He pulled out his father's old pocket watch and smiled. "Almost time," he assured me. I nodded and waited patiently, something that wasn't exactly my strong suit.

"Here they come!" Pony exclaimed, almost bouncing up and down. We waited for the train to come to a stop before stepping forward. Again, we were waiting patiently. This time, for the train to unload.

Men from all walks of life began to pile off the train. I saw mothers hugging their sons for the first time in a year, children greeting their fathers with open arms, wives kissing their husbands with passion that had been bottled up for so long, brothers and sisters greeting their brothers with teary eyes. And then we saw him. Or rather, Pony did. He took off, bounding towards the golden haired, chocolate eyed man who limped off the train, crutches under his armpits.

"Sodapop!" Darry's voice boomed through the crowd. He took off to help his brother, a wholehearted smile playing on his lips.

I hung back. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Steve. I saw several ambulances waiting, no doubt to cart the injured to the hospital as soon as they were off the train. I watched, waited, for any sign that he had made it to us alive.

As people began to file out of the station, I felt my heart sinking more and more. The ambulances started to leave, people who were injured, but not too injured to travel, were loaded up, their loved ones following close behind. It felt like I had been waiting hours, but then again, time seemed to stand still.

The train whistle blew, signaling that the train was pulling off. Everyone who was still in the station stepped back, happy sobs and cheers ringing throughout. I was against the far wall now, feeling just as I had all those years ago when I was trying to see Johnny before he died. I felt small and alone. So completely alone.

"He's okay, ya know?" A familiar voice came. I looked up to see Soda smiling at me. "They didn't want him dealing with the crowd. He's on his way to our hospital right now."

"Promise?" I asked. Soda has a knack for lightening the burden bad news could bring.

"Cross my heart," he replied with a crooked smile. Before I knew it I was hugging him for dear life, telling him if he ever played a stunt like that again, goin' and signing up for a war he had no business fighting, I would skin him myself. I cried into his strong, warm chest, letting all the fears go for only a moment.

"Shh, hey, we're home. It's okay Roxy," his gentle tone calmed the worry in my heart.

"I'm so glad you're back," I managed to choke out before pulling back, quickly wiping the tears from my eyes. "And in one piece too!"

"I told you I'd be back," he said with a sly smile. "Told ya, I just had to go bring Stevie home."

We laughed at that and rejoined Darry and Pony. Pony was talking a mile a minute, trying to fill Soda in on everything he missed while he was gone. Darry was ushering them to the truck. He spared a glance at me before giving me a knowing look. I got back into the bed of the truck while the boys climbed up front. I didn't mind one bit. I had one thing on my mind and that was getting back to the house so I could take the car down to the hospital. I had waited far too long for this day.

"Roxy?" Soda's voice came through the window.

"Yeah, Soda?" I replied, smiling back at him.

"Stay strong, ya hear?"

That troubled me. What was I about to walk into? What horrors were going to come down around us this time? God seemed to hate us most days. I wasn't sure how much heartache I could take this time around. But I knew for the sake of our family, I had to remain the rock they all knew me for. I had to put the brave front forward and keep going. Darry drove recklessly the entire way home. I think partially it was due to lack of sleep and the other because he was just far too excited to finally have both of his brothers home. While I shared in his excitement – Soda was one of my best friends, for crying out loud – my mind was also set on seeing Steve. Steve was the one I had been missing more than anything. Soda? Soda wrote weekly and called when he could. Soda got lucky and spent very little time in the middle of the battlefield. Despite being a poor, lower class hood, somehow he got lucky. Soda always got lucky. I think it's cause he had a smile that could charm the devil himself. Soda was a lucky one through and through. And that made me happy. Seeing him come home with that goofy smile and bouncing with energy meant he was dealing okay. Better than most I'd reckon. Then again, that was Sodapop for ya. Nothing got Sodapop down. Sodapop Curtis was one of a kind. And everyone who was anyone knew it.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"I really don't feel good about you driving," Darry said once we were back at the house. Pony was helping Soda settle in while I paced the kitchen. While I knew he was right – I was far too tired and worried to be driving – there wasn't much he could do to change my mind. "They probably won't even let you see him, to be honest, you aren't married or nothin' and you aren't blood family."

"They'll let her in," Soda's voice chimed. He walked into the kitchen. He had changed into his old pair of wheat colored jeans and a black t-shirt. While he was still thin, he was more built than he was when he left for the war, but he was still a few inches shorter than Darry and now, an inch or two shorter than Ponyboy, who had grown a lot. Where Darry and Pony had stronger builds, Soda still looked thin in comparison. Strong, but thin. "Steve's been asking for her since they found him."

"Really?" I asked, giving him a look. He nodded and handed me the car keys.

"I'll go with her Dar, make sure he doesn't total Steve's car," he said with a huge grin. "'Sides, I've been missin' Stevie Boy all this time, might as well go down with her."

"But you just got here," Pony pouted. Something about a grown man pouting made me crack a smile.

"Pony's right," I agreed. "I'll be fine. You stay here, these two haven't shut up about you comin' home since you left," I added with a grin.

"Stay safe," Soda nodded before lopping after Pony who broke out in a full on run.

"Let the dog out!" I called over my shoulder as I headed towards Steve's car. I got in and sat there, my eyes tearing over. While today was a joyous reunion between the brothers, it was bittersweet for me. While I was completely over the moon to have Soda home, even more so to see that he seemed to be handling everything just like he always did – looking on the bright side of life, I was also dreading the trip to the hospital. Steve and I weren't married. We weren't related by blood. Darry was right. While he may have asked for me, there was no guarantee that the hospital would honor his demands.

I sighed and pulled off the curb, my heart racing in my chest. I don't know if I was excited or scared but suddenly I didn't want to wait any longer. With the pedal to the floor, I sped to the hospital. I made it there in record time, somehow avoiding the police the entire way. I parked the car and quickly walked into the hospital. I stopped at the front desk and asked if they had any returning solders. I was quickly redirected to the waiting room after I gave the receptionist my name. She said someone would be with me shortly.

I tried to wait patiently, but I found myself pacing within minutes. I lit a weed and let the smooth flavor calm my nerves. I waited and waited for what seemed like a lifetime. A quick glance at the clock let me know that it had been almost three hours by the time an older doctor approached me.

"For Randle?" he said cautiously. I nodded and walked towards him. "Have a seat," he motioned. Suddenly I found myself feeling sick. That last time I was told to have a seat it was when my brother was pronounced dead by doctors, even though we all knew he already was.

"Is he…?" my voice hitched.

"Oh," the doctor looked shocked. "No, honey, he's not dead."

"Thank god," I let out a sigh of relief.

"No, he's far from dead. You're Roxanne, right?" I nodded in response. "He's been asking for you…begging really. Said he needed to see you. See, the thing is, Steve is still really bad off from what he went through over there," he said cautiously. "He's physically dealing with a lot of damage, we're talking months of rehabilitation. Mentally…sometimes he's with us completely, others he's in a different place completely," he went on. I felt my hands getting clammy. "Now, under normal circumstances, we wouldn't allow you to see him, but he's demanding we let you and seeing how much that young man sacrificed for our country, well I don't feel right keeping you from him."

It all felt too surreal. I couldn't wrap my head around the emotions that I was feeling. I wanted to cry, I wanted someone to be strong for me, but I knew it all came down to me being strong. I heard the doctor drone on, but I couldn't comprehend his words.

"Ma'am?" he asked when he realized he had lost my attention.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you were ready to see him," he said with a slight smile. I nodded and stood, following him down the quiet, white washed hall. He led me to what he explained was the temporary triage unit. He explained that the solders that were brought in were slowly being transported to hospitals closer to their loved ones and once they were all sorted out, the remaining solders – veterans really, would be placed in rooms or sent home – whichever happened first.

"Try not to be too scared of the wires," he added as he pushed a curtain aside.

When I finally saw him, my heart leapt with joy. There he was, laying under a thin sheet, looking so young and fragile, yet so old and worn. He was covered head to toe in wires but despite that, I could see two things. First, the deep bruises and cuts that riddled his body, how thin and sickly he looked. The second, I saw him. I saw the man who proclaimed in love to me while I sat across from him, my hands cuffed to the table. I saw the kid who I grew up with, horsing around and joking like tomorrow would never come. I saw the angry, bitter boy who hated life. As soon as our eyes met, I saw something I had never seen in Steve Randle's eyes before. I saw pure joy.

"You came," he croaked. His voice sounded so much older than I remembered. "Come, sit."

I pulled up one of the chairs that sat against the wall, sitting as close to him as I dared.

"How…How are you?" I managed to ask, my hand taking his.

"Tired," he said truthfully. "But very, very happy to see you."

"Glory, I missed you," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt his hand trace the ring that he had asked his father to bring me the last visitation day before my release.

"I missed you," he said, smiling up at me. "I love you," he added. He said it almost as if to see how I would respond. He waited patiently while I dried the tears from my eyes.

"Steve Randle, I love you more than I ever imagined possible," I managed to whisper. As soon as the words left my lips, I realized just how true they were. Without realizing it, I was sobbing. "Don't you ever go and leave again!"

"Hey, shh, I won't," he said softly, his fingers still locked in mine. "I'm home, it's over…."

Then I saw it, the flicker in his eyes as he was forced to relive the memories. I heard his heart rate quicken thanks to the monitor. A nurse quickly came in and pushed something into his IV.

"That's enough for today," she said sternly, motioning for me to leave. I planted a kiss on Steve's forehead before following her out of the makeshift room.

"He's still not in a good place," she explained. "He's easily triggered. Have you ever heard of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?"

"It's why they come back shell-shocked," I nodded.

"Well we believe that the vast majority of solders that come back suffer from it. It varies in how intense it can be. In Steve's case, well as you saw…" she cut herself off. I nodded, understanding what she meant.

"I have one question though," I said carefully. She nodded, allowing me a chance to think about how I wanted to word it. "What about the guys who come home acting like they never left? The ones that don't seem to be bothered at all about it?"

"Honey, those ones scare me more," she said with a shake of her head. "Either they're too cold to care about what they saw over there or they just have it all bottled up and they are a ticking time bomb waiting to explode."

"So no one comes back okay? None of our men come back to us how they left?" I asked, suddenly really worried about Soda's frame of mind.

"Honey, if they come back actin' like nothing happened over there, either they were from a wealthy family and never stepped foot on foreign soil or they are more messed up then your friend in there," she motioned towards Steve's 'room'.

I thought about what she said as I checked in with the nurses station, demanding that we be called when Steve was up for visitors. I was thinking about what she said as I climbed into the car and gripped the steering wheel, unable to bring myself to pull off. Maybe Soda was one of the lucky ones. Maybe he just was too high on life to really take it all in. I didn't want to think about the alternative. I knew I would have to talk to Darry about what I learned though. _No one comes back from war without scars_ , I remembered what my father had said when he used to talk about his time in the second world war. That troubled me. Soda came back looking older, but sounding the same as he did when he left. For Darry, I knew that brought comfort and for Pony, well glory, that kid had been waiting for his happy go lucky brother to come home. They would both be crushed if something happened.

With all these thoughts and more rushing through my head, I made my way back to the house. The house I had been calling my home for four years now, though in reality, I should have been calling it home for so much longer. That house held memories that no one could take away. I found myself hoping, praying even, that things would find a happy middle ground. Maybe, just this once, us poor folks could catch a break.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It took me a lot longer to get back to the house than it normally would have. I drove slow, afraid to fall asleep at the wheel. My head ached, I felt sick to my stomach, my vision blurred every time I blinked. I was well past exhausted. I pulled up to the curb nearly an hour later, when the drive should have taken twenty minutes tops. I laid my head against the window, debating on how badly I wanted to move. Eventually, I worked up the energy to push open the door and walk up the stairs. I was met by a very hyper Chaos the second I opened the door.

"You need a walk," I muttered. I glanced at the clock. It was almost six. I didn't have the energy to walk the puppy, but I knew if I didn't, he would surely destroy the house.

"You look awful," Darry commented, stepping out the kitchen. "Why don't you go lay down?"

"Chaos needs a walk," I muttered, fashioning a leash out of my belt, which was still draped over the chair where I had left it that morning in my haste to get dressed. "Besides, I need a shower. I smell like a hospital."

"Shower, then bed," Darry said sternly. "Pony can walk the dog."

I was going to argue when I saw Soda and Pony racing down the hall, laughing and shoving like they did when they were younger. I smiled to myself before handing the leash to Pony.

"Walk Chaos," I managed to say before heading towards the bathroom, only stopping long enough to grab my pair of pajama pants off of the floor. They were covered in dog fur and drool, but they would do the job. I grabbed a tank top out of the dirty laundry and made a mental note to throw a load in as soon as I woke up.

I didn't even bother stepping in the shower. Instead, I sat on the floor and leaned against the cool tub, letting my tense muscles relax for the first time in years. I didn't have the energy to get back up so I closed my eyes and let exhaustion do the rest.

I slept there, in the bathroom, for what seemed like a lifetime based on how stiff I was when Darry finally woke me up. I blinked against the bright light before staring up at him, flashing a crooked smile.

"When I said bed, I didn't exactly mean the bathroom floor," he chided. "It's midnight. No one had the heart to wake you sooner."

"I see that," I laughed, pushing myself to my feet. I ached something fierce but I wasn't nearly as tired. "Any news?"

"They called and said he was still sleeping, said he probably wouldn't wake till some time tomorrow…well today now," he said carefully. "Did you say anything to the nurse about Soda?" his voice was hushed.

"I asked a question is all," I shrugged. I wanted to forget about that conversation, but I couldn't. I didn't have the heart to worry him.

"What did she say to you?" he asked. As he did, he closed the door behind him, cornering me in the small bathroom.

"All she said was to keep an eye on him," I shrugged. I was still tired and really wanted to go back to sleep. Even though I knew sleep would bring on the nightmares again.

"Roxanne," he said, his tone telling me he wanted the whole truth.

I replayed the conversation for him, word for word. When I was done, he looked at me with tears in the corners of his eyes.

"He's going to be fine, Darry," I said as calmly as I could. I pushed past him and walked down the hall into the kitchen. Chaos was laying under the table. He jumped to his feet right as the phone started ringing. Who in their right mind calls at nearly one in the morning?

"Hello?" I asked, trying my best to hold back a yawn.

"Roxanne?" a familiar voice came on the other end.

"Rosemary?" I asked, stunned. "Are you okay?"

"Yes and no," she said carefully. "I know it's late and I know it's a crazy favor to ask, but is there any way you can come get me?"

"Come get you from where? Kansas?" I asked in disbelief. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I'm actually in Texas right now…" she said hesitantly. "Dad…well let's just say old habits die hard, I guess," she sighed deeply. "We got into it…Jenny kicked him out and he made me come with and now there's a whole mess of problems and I need to get outta here 'fore he goes mad."

"Are you safe right now," I asked her, rummaging through the drawer next to me. I pulled out the old map Darry had there. "How far from Tulsa are you?"

When she gave me the address I groaned. She was at least 7 hours away, just a ways past Dallas. I tried to come up with a plan, but found myself remembering how much work Steve's car needed. There was no way it would make the 14 hour drive to and from Texas without costing me a fortune to have serviced while we were on the road.

"Are you able to hold on a second?" I asked, her, an idea coming to mind.

"Hurry, if dad finds out I'm calling you, god knows what he'll do," she said, her tone soft, barely above a whisper.

I put the phone on the counter and quickly moved through the house. Darry was finally asleep, his bedroom door just slightly ajar.

"Darry?" I called in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake up the rest of the house. "Darry."

"Mmm?" he murmured.

"Darry," I called again.

"What's wrong?" he asked, flipping the bedside lamp on. He looked as exhausted as I felt.

"Rosie needs me to go get her from Texas. The rust bucket ain't gon' make it there and back in one piece," I said carefully. "Can I borrow the truck since you aren't working tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure," he said tiredly, turning the lamp back off. I was almost certain he had no idea what I just told him, but it was permission enough for me.

"You're leaving?" Pony said tiredly, standing against the doorframe of the room he once again shared with Soda. "Steve and Soda just got back and you're leaving?"

"Ponyboy," I said carefully, only after closing Darry's door. "Rose is with my ol' man in Texas and she said it ain't good. As much as I love Steve and Soda, my sister has to come first."

"I dig that," he nodded. "What do you want me to tell Soda and Steve if they ask?"

"That I'm gonna be back within a day," I said matter-of-factly. "I ain't stickin' around to see my ol' man's face when I whisk Rosie away."

"What about the courts?" he asked skeptically.

"I've held my job down at the stables for years now and I'm well over the legal age to have custody of Rose. If she has enough proof that our ol' man ain't no good and if my cousins sign off on it, maybe I can win her this time," I said with a shrug. "I'm takin' Chaos with me too. Make sure you send my love to the guys."

I hurried back to the kitchen and told Rose I would be there as soon as humanly possible before I grabbed my purse, my coat and Chaos and loaded up Darry's truck. I also made sure to grab my blade and Darry's keys before giving the house a once over. I sighed. I was torn. My sister needed me, but so did the guys.

"We'll be okay," a voice startled me from my thoughts. "I'll make sure Steve understands. Go bring Rosie home to us."

"Soda, it's so good to have you home," I said once I turned and saw him standing by the kitchen doorway. "Love you, brother."

"You too sis, no scram, before Darry wakes up and realizes it wasn't a dream," his eyes danced with glee. It was as if the last year never happened.

It amazed me that he was still the same Sodapop we all knew and loved. If I knew then what I know now, I would have frozen that moment in my memories forever. Instead, I got into the truck and sped away, hoping the beat the morning traffic as I made my way to Texas to bring my baby sister home once and for all.

* * *

 _A/N: Sorry for the long wait for an update. I lost motivation for a while and wasn't sure how I wanted to take this story. Feedback is always appreciated! It keeps me motivated to keep on writing!_


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It felt like it took me 12 hours to reach the ran down motel my sister had called me from, even though in reality, it had only been about 8 and a half. I had to keep making pit stops to let Chaos use the bathroom and wipe the tired feeling out of my eyes. When I finally reached the motel, I was overly aware of how nervous I was. I hadn't seen my ol' man in over half a decade and I was certain he was not going to be pleased to see me, especially when I showed up to take Rosie back to Tulsa with me.

I was about to knock on the door of the room Rosie told me she was staying in when she pulled the door open quickly and told me to run.

"Get in the truck, he has a heater!" her shrill voice yelled as she charged for the truck as fast as she could. I followed her, trying to keep Chaos at my side. The pup didn't want to listen but seemed to sense I was ready to scoop him up in my arms if he didn't listen. We got in the truck just as my father trained the gun directly on me.

"Rosie, cover your head," I managed to shout in the same instant that the gun went off. I tried to duck but Chaos's huge body made it impossible to get down low enough. I felt the bullet connect to my already permanently damaged shoulder. I bit back a scream as another shot went off. This time it grazed my neck. I didn't have time to think. I threw the truck into reverse and flew out the parking lot, overly aware that there was glass everywhere, Darry's windshield completely shattered.

"Rosie, you good?" I panted, my hands shaking as blood dripped down my body.

"You're bleeding, Rox, you have to pull over," she said urgently.

"We have to get to a phone," I countered. She knew I was right.

"Rox, it hit a vein, you're gon' bleed out if you don't stop and let me see to it!" she practically shouted.

"It missed the vein, I'd be dead if it didn't," I shot back. I put the pedal to the floor, praying a cop would pull us over. For once luck was on my side, since not a single cop showed up until we were pulling into a gas station a good fifteen miles down the road. I pulled over and leaned heavily against the door, the adrenaline finally wearing off.

"Tell 'im we need to get to Tulsa," I told Rosie as my vision blurred. "Tell 'im…call…" my head was a mess. "Darry."

" _Welcome back," a vaguely familiar voice said merrily when I finally came to. I blinked against the bright lights and tried to sit up. A firm hand pushed me back down. "Nuh-uh, not till the doc sees to you."_

" _Steve?" I asked, confused. This had to be a dream._

" _In the flesh," he said with a smile. "I missed you."_

" _This has to be a dream," I said, looking around. I wasn't in a hospital bed, I was in a tent, there were people buzzing around me but I couldn't make out their faces._

" _Somethin' like that," Steve shrugged. "More like limbo."_

" _Come again?" I blinked. Was I dead?_

" _C'mon, might as well get up," he finally said. "The doc's gon' be too long."_

" _Am I dead?" I asked him, getting to my feet. I didn't fell the pain. I should feel pain._

" _Not yet," he replied._

" _Are you dead?" I asked, suddenly feeling my heart drop._

" _Hush, you're making this harder than it has to be," he grumbled. For a split second he threw me a look that I remembered all too well. It was the same look he used to give me when he was getting annoyed and just wanted people to listen to him._

 _I followed him outside, taking in our surroundings. It looked like home, but didn't at the exact same time. There was chaos, a whole mess of people running around, shouting orders. Then it all seemed to change. We were suddenly in the country, near a small lake, surrounded by flowers and frogs and butterflies._

" _There's someone who wants…no, needs to see you," Steve explained, leading me into the woods. "He's been goin' on and on 'bout how he needs to make things right."_

 _Then I saw him, Dallas Winston, seemingly alive and well standing before me._

" _Damnit Roxanne, you saw me get shot down, why couldn't you use your head?" he growled at me. I turned to look at Steve, but he was gone. I felt my heart drop. Why did I keep losing that kid?_

" _Dally…" I said, trying to understand what was going on._

" _Roxanne, you gotta use that head of yours, stop saving people. Stop trying to play hero," he scolded. Dallas Winston never scolded anyone. Except maybe Ponyboy._

" _I had to bring Rosie home," I muttered. I didn't need to explain myself to someone who'd been dead for nearly five years._

" _You damn near got yourself killed that night tryin' to save me," he reminded me bitterly. "Then you go and try to keep everyone together after Steve's number got called, then again when Soda decided to up and look for 'im. When are you gonna learn? You can't be the hero anymore. Bein' the hero is gon' get ya killed, savvy?"_

" _I have to keep everyone together," I muttered._

" _Roxanne, damnit, you're good as dead right now, why don't you understand that?" he growled, anger flashing in his eyes._

" _Ice it, Dallas," a voice that sounded like heaven rang out. I blinked and before my very eyes, my mother stepped out from behind a tree. "That's my little girl you're talkin' to. Didn't your Ma ever tell ya to mind your manner in the presence of a lady?"_

" _Hah, lady," I scoffed. "Comin' from you, Ma? Have you seen me? I'm no lady."_

" _Roxanne, honey, you are, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for, it's a shame really," she said softly. "Now, darling, you need to fight as hard as you can, fight like you're fightin' for that boy you are so clearly in love with, fight like you're fighting to bring back Dally and Johnny and Josie and everyone else who's ever left you," she said with a sad smile._

" _Mama, am I gonna die?" I asked her, only partially aware that Dally was no longer there. The scenery had changed. We were sitting by the fireplace in my grandparents home. The house that burned to the ground right before Rosie was born._

" _Not if you fight," she said with a smile. "Now go on, follow the voices."_

" _Roxanne…."_

" _Roxanne…."_

"Roxy, c'mon come back to us."

I opened my eyes, blinking against the bright lights looming above me. I felt sick to my stomach and pain shot through me like a hot blade. I blinked until it all came into focus. I was laying in a hospital bed, concerned eyes staring at me as if they had seen a ghost. Then I felt a cool hand brush my hair out of my face and a familiar voice telling me they were so glad to see me awake.

I couldn't register who was there. I couldn't remember what happened or where I was. I couldn't remember anything except telling Rosie I would be there to get her as soon as I could. But where was I getting her from? Where was I going? What happened? I couldn't remember any of it. Everything was blurry. Before I even had a chance to truly come to, my stomach was heaving and I felt someone rub circles in my back while someone else called for a doctor.

Something was wrong, horribly wrong.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Why isn't she waking up, Darry?" Rosie asked, her tired eyes training on me. She looked exhausted and far older than only eight years old. She looked scared, as scared as the rest of us felt. I glanced through the door and saw Steve and Soda hovering over her, talking in hushed tones.

"She's just really sick, Rosie," I told her, pulling her in for a hug. It had been nearly a month. In that time she woke up a small handful of times, each time just as out of it as the last. The doctors were constantly fighting the infection in her shoulder and trying to keep her fevers down, but it seemed almost hopeless. Soda was taking it harder than even Rosie was. Steve was suddenly the rock for everyone. He insisted that she was going to get better, that she was going to make it. After what the doctors kept telling me, I wasn't so sure.

"Darry! She's waking up!" Rosie's squeal broke me from my thoughts. I joined the rest of the gang in the small, whitewashed room, my eyes locking on Roxanne's face. She was like a sister to me. That sister that kept you in line when you wanted to goof off. That sister that kept your head on straight when your brother's halfway around the world, fighting in a war he had no business fighting in, but was fighting in only to find his best friend. That sister who never gave up on you, no matter how horrible things got.

"Roxy, c'mon, come back to me," Steve pleaded. I still remembered the day I threatened his doctors, telling them he had to be released, that we needed him. By some miracle, that was what Steve needed to get him through his own nightmares. Steve slowly, then all at once, came back to us, determined to stay at Roxanne's side until she made a full recovery. He went to his appointments every other day, checking in with the new doctors they had given him since we still hadn't gotten Roxanne cleared to transfer to a hospital closer to home.

By some dumb luck, we were all able to be with Roxanne as much as possible. I cut back my hours and only worked on weekends, giving me the chance to drive everyone back and forth, despite the 4 hour drive between Tulsa and Dallas. Soda hadn't gone back to work yet and Pony quit at the bowling alley, just so he could give everyone support. He was great with Rosie, reading to her and taking her for walks and keeping her calm when Roxanne seemed to take a turn for the worse.

I was jerked from my thoughts when I heard Roxanne's voice, for the first time in a month, sounding completely aware of where she was.

* * *

"Ow," I moaned. I looked around at the concerned faces surrounding me. I heard the steady beep beep of the heart monitor, the dripping of the IV that stuck in my arm. Then everyone started talking at once. I couldn't make sense of what everyone was saying. When Darry waved his hand and told everyone to give me air, I smiled at him, grateful for someone keeping their head.

"How long was I out?" I asked. The doctor came into the room before anyone answered. He didn't say anything, just checked my temperature and my blood pressure and lifted the bandage off my shoulder to inspect the wound.

"Your infection is finally under control," he said with a dull tone. He clearly hated his job. "You're still running a slight fever, but it's all but broken. I reckon if you're still stable in the morning, we'll clear you to be transferred to Tulsa."

"if I'm better, why can't I just go home?" I asked, looking around the room.

"Roxanne, have you tried moving your arm yet?" he asked, looking at me with sad eyes. "Go on, wiggle your fingers."

I tried with all my might, but my hand would not respond. I tried to lift my arm but it wouldn't lift. I felt sharp pain in my shoulder, but my arms, from my shoulder down, was completely numb.

"The infection damaged the nerves in your arm even worse than they already were. Your arm is completely useless," he said. I found his statement harsh. I had been told that when I got shot the first time and after months of therapy, I had gotten some function back in it. "The only reason we didn't amputate it was because your power of attorney is deceased."

I had never taken my mother's name off my records. I was glad I didn't. No one was chopping my arm off.

"You're wrong," I growled. I felt my blood boil. "Get the hell out of here."

"Roxanne…" the doctor warned.

"Get out. All of you!" I screamed. I wasn't even 24 yet. I refused to be told I would never use my arm again. I needed at least some use in my arm to be able to work at the stables, to be able to do anything I loved to do. I was right handed. While I had gotten good at using my left hand for most tasks, I still relied on my right hand to write and just about anything useful.

"Go, I've got her," Steve said softly. I felt him take my left hand in his. Then it hit me. Steve was there. How long had I been out? How was Steve there? Was he okay? How long was I out?!

"Steve," I whispered, all the anger completely dissolving. "Is it really you?" I felt like I was dreaming again.

"It's me," he said with a smile, running his hand through my hair. "Glory, I missed you."

"I missed you," I managed to whisper, tears streaming down my face. "How long was I out?"

"A month, give or take," he said carefully. "I had to fight tooth and nail to get them to let me out, but you needed me, and I sure as sin wasn't about to flake out a second time."

"You didn't flake last time," I muttered. "Did…did Chaos get out okay?"

"The pup? Yeah, Rose and Darry asked Two-Bit to watch him till everyone got back home," he nodded. "Wiggle your fingers."

"What?" I asked. His tone had changed, almost to a bitterness I hadn't seen in years.

"Wiggle your fingers," he repeated. "I know you can. Wiggle them."

I tried and tried until I was exhausted from trying. We must have tried for hours because when Darry finally came back into the room, he put a hand on Steve's shoulders, whispered something in his ear, and before I could even say goodbye, Steve was storming out of the room.

"What was that about?" I asked tiredly. My shoulder ached from trying so hard to move my damn hand.

"Sometimes he gets…well I guess bossy or pig headed or whatever you'd like to call it. He forgets that other people have feelings and can't always do what he's askin'. Ever since the doc told us you'd never use your hand again, he'd go on and on about how he's gonna fix you and you're gon' be okay," he explained. "His therapist told us to just make him walk it off when he got like that. So far that's been working."

"How are they? Soda and Steve?" I changed the subject.

Darry stared at the wall for a moment, his fingers twisting in his lap. I knew he wanted to tell me something but he couldn't find a way to word it right away.

"Soda…he nearly lost it when Rose called us from the police station. He got real quiet, then got madder than I'd ever seen before. I think he would have lost it completely if Rosie didn't beg him to keep his head together so he could come too. Steve…well Steve was determined to get the green light from his doctor, so he faked it a lot of the time. Soda said he still flashes in and out of reality a lot of the time and said he's fighting demons none of us want to ever face. They stay together most of the time, leaning on eachother for support. Steve seems to keep Soda grounded though. Imagine that, Steve Randle being the rock in a hard time," he almost chuckled. "Seeing you hooked to the wires and everything…I think it really got to both of them though. Soda's been quiet ever since we got the call."

"What about you?" I asked him. "How are you?"

Darry never really thinks about himself. He always looks out for everyone else.

"Tired," he admitted. "Worried sick and tired. You scared the hell outta me, kiddo. They lost you a good five or six times before you finally got stable…then the fever and infection set in…I thought…I thought…" his voice broke and I saw tears fill his eyes.

"Aw, shoot, Darry, I'm okay," I said gently, reaching my left hand out to take his. "I don't even remember what happened. But I'm okay, I'm not going anywhere."

"We just can't lose no one else," he said softly, swiping the tears from his eyes. "Especially you. If we lost you…damnit, that would break us."

His words made my heart ache. Maybe he was right. Maybe my dream or vision or whatever it was was right. Maybe I needed to stop trying to save everyone. Or maybe I was the only one who could.

I welcomed the silence that followed our conversation. I was tired and didn't feel good and just wanted to sleep off the insanely horrible headache that had set in. The silence didn't last long though, as the nightmares came back fiercer than ever.

" _Roxanne, you cannot die on me, ya dig? You cannot die! Darry'll come through and get us, you just gotta hang in there long enough for him to get here!" Rosie screamed, tears running down her face. "Damnit Roxanne, I do not want to be the one who has to tell Steve Randle you're dead!"_

" _Stevie wouldn't care," Dally's cold tone told her. "Stevie hates her, deep down, where it counts. He hates her. He blames her for everything that's gone wrong in his life."_

" _But that ain't true!" Rosie cried out. "Roxy loves him and has been there for him since day one!"_

" _Oh, Rosie, so innocent," Dally taunted. "Don't you know the only reason Stevie here didn't run to Mexico was because he couldn't bear to be a coward in your sister's eyes? If her stupid, naïve self didn't end up in jail, he would have high tailed it outta here and never served what ended up being a life sentence."_

 _Rosie threw something at him before looking down at me._

" _Maybe he's right. You left me with Pa and now Mama's dead and Pa wants you dead and me dead and damnit, damn near everyone is dead," she growled. My baby sister couldn't talk like that. She wasn't even 9 yet. "Maybe you're better off dead!"_

" _It's all your fault!" Soda screamed, Steve's tags in his hands, his hands soaked in blood. "You did this! You made this happen! Why'd it have to be Dally who died that night? It shoulda been you!"_

" _You're sentenced to death," the judge's voice boomed. "Death by electric chair!"_

"Shh, Rox, it's okay, it's okay," a calm voice said as I jerked and tried my best to fight off the strong arms holding me down. "Roxy, come back to us, you're okay, you're okay, we're here."

"Get off me!" I gasped, struggling against the grip. "Get off, get off, get off!"

"Soda, let her go," I heard Darry said. "I've got her." I felt a different set of hands touch me. They were gentle. Too gentle to be Darry's yet his all the same. "Shh, hush, you're okay," he said, as if he were soothing a baby.

I blinked, finally daring to open my eyes. Darry, Soda, Ponyboy, and Steve were all looking at me with concerned looks. Rosie was sitting in the corner crying.

"Rosie," I said, attempting to reach for her, only to remember my right arm wouldn't move. "Rosie."

"Roxy," she said looking up. Then I saw it, the bruise already forming on her cheek.

"You lashed out," Steve almost growled. "You hit her." With that, he stormed out of the room. I could hear a loud thud not too long after.

"I'll go after him," Soda sighed. He gave me a knowing look before following his best friend out of the room. Rosie followed after them, shaken to the bone.

"I'll get her, she's okay Rox, you didn't hurt her none," Pony said calmly. "It was an accident. You were asleep, you didn't know."

I leaned back, my heart still racing in my chest. I was trying to make sense of the dream when I heard Soda's urgent voice crying out for Darry. I would have given anything to follow Darry out of the room, but I was held down by wires and lines. I couldn't follow. I think that was the worst part. I heard a commotion in the hallway and wanted to know what was wrong, so badly it hurt, but there was nothing I could do.

I looked at the ceiling, praying to anyone that was listening.

"Please make the nightmares end," I begged. "For everyone. For Soda, for Steve, for Pony and Rose, for Darry. Make the damn nightmares end."


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"It's not fair," Rosie huffed three weeks later, as I dropped her off at school. Or rather, Ponyboy dropped her off at school as I wasn't cleared to drive yet. "Why can't I go with you to see Steve?"

"Because Steve's in a lot of trouble right now and you don't need to be around that," I said sternly. It had been the ongoing debate for weeks. "Besides, I would feel a lot better if you were in school and so would the state."

"But he's my friend too!" she grumbled.

"Rosemary, you're 8. You belong in school learning things and being someone, don't be like me or Soda or even Darry. Get your education. Be like Ponyboy. Except don't let me find out you're off getting in trouble, be good. Be good and do good and be someone, savvy?" I said, tired of the game.

"Fine," she muttered as she got out of the car. "I love you."

"Love you, kiddo, now go on, make some friends, have fun," I called. I waved halfheartedly before nodding at Pony that we could go.

"He didn't mean to, you know what, right?" he said with a sad shake of his head. "Steve's just…well like you said, in trouble."

"He nearly killed Soda that night," I reminded him. "We're lucky Steve decided to lose it in the hospital otherwise Soda would have bled out."

"He thought Soda was attacking him," he defended his brother's best friend.

"I know," I sighed. "But he's dangerous. And I have to keep Rosie safe above all else. I almost got her killed once, I'm not about to do it again."

"Soda's still mad at him too," Pony sighed. "Soda's ticked that he can't get outta bed for another week."

"I know," I chuckled. Me and Soda had been talking that morning. Soda hated the fact that I was going to see Steve, but Steve still needed us. I could only hope that a visit from a familiar face would be enough to remind him that he's got people who love and care for him still.

"Are you going to be okay going in on your own? If you want I can come with you," Pony said gently. Sometimes I forgot how much that kid had matured over the years.

"I'll be okay, just wait in the car," I nodded. We pulled into a spot close to the door and I braced myself for what I was walking into. Steve was currently a patient at one of the few psychiatric hospitals just outside of Tulsa. It was a long drive but it was worth it. His doctor had made the decision to have him committed after what happened with Soda.

I walked up the stone staircase and made my way to what seemed like the reception area.

"Hello," I called to the woman behind the desk. "I'm looking for Private Steven Randle," I said carefully. I could hear the echo of cries and screams and moans. It sent a chill down my spine.

"Relation?" she demanded harshly. "Only immediate family can see our patients."

"I'm his cousin," I lied smoothly.

"Only immediate family," she said again, turning away from me.

"I'm as immediate as it gets. His folks are dead and he doesn't have any siblings, ma'am," I growled.

"Listen, I don't know who told you to come, but we don't do visiting hours here," she growled. "If you leave a number, I'll see that his doctor calls you," she added. I wrote down Darry's number before heading back down the hall. When she wasn't looking, I bee lined for the staircase. What I saw, I definitely wasn't expecting.

There were a good five or six people to a room. The conditions were awful. I was in section A, which from what I could read on the charts that were hung carelessly from the doors, these were the less dangerous patients. As I went deeper into the hospital, the smells and sounds became unbearable. I couldn't bring myself to look any more. I ran out of there as fast as I could, nearly certain I would never be able to wash the stench from my skin.

"What's wrong?" Pony demanded as soon as I got in the car. He handed me a weed and gave me a few minutes to compose myself.

"We need to get him out of there," I gasped, breathless and terrified. "It's awful!"

"His doc said it was the best in the area," Pony said carefully. "Did you get to see him?"

"No, the wench at the desk wouldn't let me," I said angrily. My blood was boiling. How could they treat people like that? Not just people, but men who fought in that awful war. Men who had no right fighting a fight they didn't want? Steve was a prisoner of war for four years and that was how they were repaying him?

"Roxanne?" Pony asked, breaking me from my thoughts. "You good?"

"No," I admitted. "We need to see his doctor, I want him home."

"He's dangerous Roxanne," Pony argued. "What happens if he hurts someone else? What happens if no one's home and he attacks you or Rosie?"

"We'll train Chaos to attack on command. He'll be able to hold Steve off if it comes to that," I said, grasping at straws. "I just know we can't leave him here."

We drove home in silence after that. I wanted to swing by the hospital and demand to speak to Steve's doctor, but Pony said we should wait until Darry gets home and helps us come up with a plan. It wasn't fair to think that Steve, one of our own, was sitting in a room packed like sardines, all because he had an episode. It made me question the integrity of how our hospitals were handling mental health issues, especially with our returning veterans. It didn't seem fair that these men were fighting in a brutal war, only to come home and be locked away like they never meant anything to anyone.

That broke my heart. Steve went through that enough in his life. He didn't deserve to be treated that way after everything he'd gone through.

"No way, no way in hell!" Soda's voice boomed down the hall. Ponyboy was telling him what I had told him in the car. "It's me or him! He's not stepping foot in this house!"

"Shh, Soda, you're just mad, it's okay," Pony tried to calm him. "He didn't mean to hurt you," he continued.

"He tried to gut me like a fish Ponyboy!" Soda bellowed. "He took a scalpel and tried to cut me clean up and down! No sane person does that!"

I felt torn between comforting my best friend and defending the man I thought I loved. Soda and Steve had been so close, it broke my heart to hear Soda talk about him with so much hate. I decided to take Chaos for a walk. We walked all over, until it was finally time to have Pony drive me to get Rosie from school. I knew Darry would probably beat us home, he was working a job close to the house and said he would be off by 3. I was banking on him beating us home so we could all sit down and talk about what we were going to do about Steve. Regardless of what the state and doctors tried to say, we would fight for our own until the day we died if we had to. We didn't turn our backs on one another. We couldn't. For the most part, we were all we had left.

Two-Bit walked in as Pony and I were about to head out.

"I'll stay with Soda," he said as he glanced down the hall. "How is he today?"

"Same," Pony sighed. "Angry, frustrated, hating just about everyone."

"I'll change that," Two-Bit laughed. "No one can stay that mad when I'm here!"

He had a point. Generally speaking, Keith Mathews – Two-Bit – had a knack for cheering just about anyone up. He could even get the fuzz cracking up back in the day. He was the joker, the goofball, the one kid who could get anyone laughing no matter what the situation. That's probably why we've always been close. He got me laughing through a lot of the hard times those last 5 years. He'd matured a lot too. He now held a job and was in the process of getting his own place, he helped his ol' lady keep the house up and running, he often checked in just to see how everyone was, then would go out and do good. Who would have known that Two-Bit Mathews would have gone places in his life. The carefree, free spirit still lived in him, and probably always would, but so did a heart of gold and a good head on his shoulders.

"C'mon, before Rosie thinks you forgot about her," Pony interrupted my thoughts. I nodded at Two-Bit before getting in the old car, watching as Chaos ran circles around his buddy's legs. His paws were still too big for his body, his gait awkward and unbalanced, but god, did I love that dog. I smiled at the memories of the first day Rosie gave him to me. Who knew my little sister would become one of my best friends, allies and supports at such a young age. Who knew at 8, she would see and do more than most do in their entire life. But that's a story for another day I suppose.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

My mother once told me that some people chose death because it was easier than facing the pain of another day, that sometimes, leaving everyone and everything behind was easier than having to fight the demons that lived within your heart. She said that some people see it as cowardly, others saw it as selfish and some saw it as the greatest strength a person could have. Somehow being able to end your life, without hesitation, was fearless and brave. I saw it as an easy out.

As we pulled into the drive way, Pony and I share a troubled look. Something seemed very, very wrong. I told Rosie to go right into the backyard with Chaos, since he was trying to dig a hole under the gate again. She did so without any hesitation. I think she sensed something was wrong too. Pony led the way into the house and I followed slowly after, not sure if I could take anymore bad news.

"Guys," Darry's voice came from the kitchen. "Take a chair."

"What's wrong, Dar?" Pony asked. We could hear Soda crying in his room, Two-Bit's voice trying to calm him down. "Is Soda okay?"

"Guys," Darry looked like he was at a loss of words. "Roxanne, did you get to see Steve today?"

"No, the lady at the front desk said no visitors," I said carefully. Darry didn't get a chance to continue because before we had a chance to think, Soda was storming into the kitchen, his eyes ablaze.

"This is all your fault!" he screamed at me, his eyes wild. If you knew Soda, you'd know that this was not Soda at all. You'd know that the look in his eyes was a wild and crazy as Dally's after Johnny died.

"Whoa, little buddy, you aren't supposed to be up," Darry said, suddenly talking as if Soda was far younger than he really was.

"Shut it Darrel," he growled. I could hear Chaos growling at the back door, clawing at the screen. Before long, he would break in.

"Pepsi Cola," I said as gently as I could, using the petname is folks used when he was alive. As soon as the name left my lips, I saw Soda's face dissolve. Pony, who now stood a good half a foot taller than Soda, with a build more like Darry's, caught him and led him to the nearest chair.

"What happened?" he asked again.

"They found Steve…." Darry said, his voice hitching. "They found Steve hanging in his room today…"

"What?" Pony asked. The room spun under my feet. I didn't need it spelled out for me. Steve had hung himself. Steve Randle was dead.

"Rox?" I felt Two-Bit steady me with his arm. "You okay?"

"How?" I asked, looking up at Darry, tears rolling down my cheeks. "How did they let it happen? They were supposed to be helping him," I was sobbing at that point. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. We spent 4 years waiting for trying to pick up the pieces and pull ourselves together after he was captured, only now to lose him, this time for good.

I stood up and opened the back door. Rosie was looking at me with sad eyes, having heard everything from the back steps. I walked over to the small toolshed, where I knew Darry kept his tools. I pulled out the sludge hammer and pushed open the gate, not caring at Chaos was at my heels. I didn't care that I could only use my left arm. I didn't care that the weight of the hammer was far too heavy for me. I didn't care that the force of each blow made my sling rub at my neck, making it all ache even more. I slammed it into Steve's car over and over and over again, until Darry finally caught hold of it and ripped it from my arms. It was too late. The ancient, ran down car was destroyed. I sank to my knees, sobbing bitterly, my entire body trembling.

I vaguely heard Darry tell someone to grab him a blanket and to take my sister inside. I later learned that it was Two-Bit who had stepped up and played hero while Darry tended to me. Darry wrapped the blanket around me and pulled me into his arms. I sobbed bitterly into his chest until he finally scooped me up and carried me inside. Then I cried some more. I cried for hours, until there were no tears left to cry.

It wasn't fair. Steve was far too young to die. He was too young, too brave, too fearless. It just wasn't fair. I looked up at the ceiling and called God every name I could think of or make up. I cursed everyone and anything that I could think of. I lashed out. At Pony, at Two-Bit, Darry. The only person I couldn't lash out at was Rosie. When she finally crawled in my lap, just like she used to when she was little, I felt my wall go up. I felt my heart freeze over. I had to be strong for her. She was all I had left.

"Mama always said that death was easy," she said suddenly, holding something in her hand. "She said living was the hard part."

"What'cha got there?" I sniffed. Tears were still silently rolling down my cheeks.

"It's the ring Steve was gonna give you," she said, holding it up for me to see. "He asked me if I was okay with him askin' you to marry him, when you were sick," she continued. "He said he wanted to do it right, get you a ring and even ask Darry for your hand in marriage since Pa's lookin' at life in jail."

That made the tears come all over again. I nudged her off my lap and grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair.

"Where're you goin'?" Darry asked, looking up from his spot at the kitchen table. I caught sight of the clock. It was late, really late. Everyone else had gone to bed.

"For a walk," I said softly. "I'll take Chaos. Mind seein' that Rose goes to sleep?"

"Sure," he nodded. "Roxanne?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't go lookin' for trouble. We need you now more than ever," he said gently.

"I'm not goin' far," I told him as I let the door slam behind me. Chaos was more than happy to join me on the middle of the night walk. It was a cold night, far colder than I expected, but the cold air numbed the growing ache in my shoulder and brought me to an easier time. When we were kids, Soda, Steve and I used to live for nights like that one. We used to sneak out well after our folks went to bed and would run around and play in the lot, enjoying the first real tastes of fall. We'd stay out till right before the sun started creeping over the horizon and then we'd run home, laughing all the while. Naturally, our folks found out and soon put an end to our antics, but it was definitely fun while it lasted. I was about 14 when my Ma caught me sneaking in. She gave me a good lickin' for it too. Said I had her worried sick. To this day, I think she only did it so my ol' man wouldn't.

My mother used to be a beautiful, smart woman. She loved us kids with all her heart. Losing Josiah broke her in more ways than one. I think it made her lose hope. I remembered when she used to sing, glory could she sing. She used to tell me I could sing like her, but I never believed her. My Ma, she had a voice that could make any sorrow seem less painful.

I remembered a conversation we had when our uncle took his life. He had fought in the second world war and Korea, and when he came back from the Navy, he was a cruel, bitter man. My aunt was devastated the day she found him, bullet through his skull. I remembered Mama telling me and Josiah that the pain of what he had to do, what he had to witness was just too much for him. She said that his soul was lost long before his body followed. She said we had to remember him for his sacrifices, not for the pain his death brought, for he thought his death was easier than living a life of pain and suffering.

I found myself wondering what tipped Steve over the edge. If he asked my sister if she was alright with him askin' to marry me, he must have wanted a future. He must have wanted to get his life back. Maybe it was the accident. Maybe seein' me in the hospital broke him. Or maybe it was when he attacked Soda, maybe the guilt of hurting his best friend was what put that final nail in his coffin. Or maybe it was just the realization that he couldn't cope with what happened overseas. We would never know. He didn't leave a note. He didn't tell anyone. One minute he was here, the next, he was gone forever.

"You know, Chaos, it seems like we just keep on losing people," I sighed, patting his head. Chaos was getting huge. He stood just above my waist on all fours. He was going to be a big dog when he stopped growing. "It's not fair."

My mother once told me that some people chose death because it was easier than facing the pain of another day, that sometimes, leaving everyone and everything behind was easier than having to fight the demons that lived within your heart. She said that some people see it as cowardly, others saw it as selfish and some saw it as the greatest strength a person could have. Somehow being able to end your life, without hesitation, was fearless and brave. I saw it as an easy out. I saw it as selfish. They got to escape the pain while the rest of us had to keep on living our lives, knowing we would never see their smile, hear their laughter, hold them or tell them how our days were. We were the ones who had to keep on fighting. Death is easy. Living's the hard part.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The house was quiet following Steve's death. Soda wouldn't talk to anyone except Rosie. I think her innocence made her the perfect person for him to open up to. She'd listen patiently, then change the subject to something completely random, which seemed to keep Soda's mind in a semi decent place. Pony picked up extra hours at the Dingo so Darry could focus a little more on being home. When Pony wasn't working, he was either studying for his college classes or reading to Rosie. Rose found comfort in her big brothers, not letting Steve's loss affect her. I think for her, it was easier to let it all go. When we lost our mother, she took a loss she was too young to understand. In many ways, it made her cold and callus to situations like that. Two-Bit came around every day to try and lighten the mood, but the dark cloud that loomed over the house made him always leave after only a short amount of time. Two-Bit didn't say it, but I think losing Steve was the straw that broke the camel's back. Darry was constantly worrying about everyone and everything. The house was literally falling in around us and he was struggling to come up with the means to keep the roof over everyone's heads.

In the weeks that had passed since Steve's funeral, I had regained some function in my right hand, which meant I was cleared to return to work at the stables, under the understanding that my arm had to remain in a sling and I couldn't lift anything over 15 pounds. While I had agreed with the restrictions, I rarely followed them. I closed everyone out – I didn't open up about where my head was at, instead I poured my time into working and when I wasn't working, I was looking at houses. While Darry wanted to fix up his childhood home, I was secretly hoping to surprise him with a house that was big enough for everyone that didn't need several years worth of work done to it.

It took a long time for me to find a house within our budget, but with Pony's help, we managed to cosign of a house twelve weeks after we laid our fallen friend to rest. It costed us everything we had saved, but we managed to buy a house a block from where Darry and the rest grew up. A pretty decent five bedroom, two story home with a fairly decent sized backyard and a roof that didn't leak.

"So," I said in a hushed tone, everyone except Darry in the living room of the Curtis house. "Since today's Darry's birthday, I reckon now is the perfect chance to give him the good news."

"We officially got the keys today," Pony beamed, holding up a set of house keys. "The house is ours."

"I still can't believe you went and bought Darry a house," Two-Bit laughed.

"Well, let's face it, me and Rosie have been sleeping on the couch for months now," I laughed. "And I don't want my ol' man's house. It's almost rubble at this point."

"You think he's gonna like it?" Rosie asked skeptically. "Darry's always so uninterested with things."

"This isn't just a thing," I chided lightly. "This is a house. A whole house. A house that actually has a roof that he doesn't need to get up on," I added. "And," I looked at Pony sheepishly. Even he didn't know this part. "He won't have any more mortgage payments."

"How?" Pony exclaimed. They were almost done paying the mortgage on their parents house, but it had been an uphill battle to get there. I had taken what little money was left over after buying the new house and used it to finish paying off their childhood home. It helped that I told my parent's house too. I had put all of what Rosie and I would want in storage and sold the house a week prior. None of them knew that Steve had left everything to me either. He had it notarized right after he got home from the army, which was a huge surprise to me. When his lawyer made contact with me, I nearly had a heart attack. I used all of it to help fund this present. It just felt right. It made it feel as if Steve was still with us in a way.

"I took care of it," I laughed. "Everything's paid off, in full. The bills for the next 2 months too."

"You're insane! Where did the money come from?" he asked, eyes widening like I robbed a bank.

"My mom had money saved that was left to me, the house sold for a decent amount – some couple really digged the view I guess, and I worked my ass off these last couple weeks. Even rode last weekend and managed to place and bring in the last of it," I shrugged.

"That's why you were gone all weekend?" Rosie asked quizzically.

"Mhm. Red needed me to fill Cherry's slot since she dropped out last minute, and since Doc said I was all good to turn barrels as long as I didn't fall. And American Dreamer doesn't need a good rider to get 'er done. He's the real champ," I said with a smile.

"You rode Dreamer?" Soda's eyes widened. American Dreamer was an ornery old stallion who was known for throwing unexperienced riders. While I hadn't grown up riding like my brother had, I had turned barrels when I had free time before his death. I wasn't great, but me and Dreamer had a connection. Red saw that every time I walked in to muck his stall or turn him out to pasture. We placed 2nd in what I guess was some important event and it landed me a good sum of money too.

"You're insane," Pony chuckled. "Did you finish the cake?"

"Mhm," I nodded. The cake was frosted and waiting in the ice box. Darry's truck roared outside and we all shared a knowing look before Pony rushed to pull out the cake and we all sat smiling, waiting for Darry to walk through the door. Chaos was pacing, his tail swishing back and forth. He was excited to jump all over Darry like he did every afternoon when Darry got home from work.

"Chaos, sit," I commanded as he almost knocked Soda over when he tried to get up to get something from the kitchen. Chaos ignored me and ran after him, knocking the paper on the floor in the process. I hurriedly picked it up and put it back where it belonged. We had all gotten back to our respected spots when Darry opened the front door.

"Surprise!" We all cheered as he walked in. He looked exhausted, but smiled happily when he saw the cake. He could smell the roast that I had in the oven and saw the happy looks on his friends and family's faces.

"Well glory, what's the occasion?" he asked sheepishly.

"Your birthday, silly," Rosie said, running over to give him a hug. He hugged her back and took the card she was holding up.

"Rosie made the card," I informed him. "We all pitched in for the gift. Steve too."

Soda looked at me funny when I said that. I would tell him later.

"What gift?" Darry asked.

"Open the card," Pony said with a smile. We had placed the deed to the new house, the receipts to the bill and mortgage payments and the keys to the new house in the card.

After he skimmed over the card, I physically saw the stress leave his body when he read what else was inside. He leaned heavily against the wall, tears in the corners of his eyes.

"You did this?" he asked, looking directly at me.

"We all did," I shrugged. "It was the least we could do, given everything you do for us."

"She made it happen," Pony said, giving me a playful shove. "If she hadn't put it all in motion, none of it woulda happened."

"Thank you," Darry said, coming to give me a hug. "I owe you, more than you know," he hissed in my ear.

"Happy Birthday, Darry," I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before walking into the kitchen to take the roast out of the oven. I made a mental note to go visit Steve's grave after the celebrations were done. I couldn't have done any of it if it wasn't for Steve and the letter that was given to me the week after his death.

We celebrated, ate, and went our own ways as the night wore on. Two-Bit decided he was going to stay the night, while Rosie and I decided to head over to the new house and figure out what, if any, repairs had to be made. Darry wanted to come with, but I told him to stay back and celebrate with his brothers. That Rosie and I needed a night together. We took Chaos with us, since it was easier to let him learn the yard and let us know if there were any holes we had to patch. He'd only run back to the Curtis's house anyway.

Once we reached the house, I told Rosie to wait until I had a chance to flip the breaker box over before she headed inside, that I didn't need her falling through floorboards or anything.

"I thought it was more or less ready to move into?" she asked while she held the spotlight so I could locate the key to unlock the cellar.

"The bank said it was vacant for the last decade," I explained. "I was assured that the roof, foundation, plumbing and electrical were all up to date, other than that, he couldn't tell us if or what needed work."

"You bought the house without seeing it first?" she asked me skeptically.

"No, Pony and I checked it out, but the relator couldn't let us go through the entire house. Honestly, aside from paint and maybe new carpeting, it doesn't look to need a lot of work," I shrugged. "Did the porch light come on?" I called up to her.

"Yeah," she nodded, making the light bob.

I joined her before locking the cellar door. "Keep this locked at all times," I told her sternly.

"Why?" she asked me, eyes shining.

"I've seen enough horror movies in my time," I snickered. "I don't want no slasher killers hiding out in our cellar."

We were both laughing as we headed into the house. While it was dusty and definitely needed some paint, it was sound. The floors barely creaked, the lighting was decent through some bulbs had to be replaced, the carpets weren't too bad.

"Where are the bedrooms?" Rosie asked eagerly.

"There's two downstairs, three upstairs," I explained. "I figured you and I would take the downstairs ones and let the boys have the upstairs. We get our own bathroom that way," I laughed.

"Seriously?" She shrieked, running down the hall. Chaos ran after her happily, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor.

"I get the view," I snickered to myself. The bigger of the two lower bedrooms had a lovely view of the old oak tree in the backyard. I was grateful for that. Given everything that had gone on in the last decade, I was ready to finally put the past behind me. I think we all were. With any luck, the new house would give us just that – a fresh start.


End file.
